a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
