My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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