What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
