1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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