I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
