I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize