I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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