why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
