I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
