Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
