Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
