Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
