Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
