He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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