Porn is love you can see.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
