So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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