What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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