i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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