sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The air was thick with penises
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
