If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
