I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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