Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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