I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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