a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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