I got chris browned last night
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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