Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
