im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need to calm my uterus...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
