SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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