I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
