I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
