Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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