Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
