Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
