Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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