Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
