i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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