I could have mohawked her pubes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
cat food counts as protein by the way
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
