I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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