I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
