good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize