You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
