nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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