Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
