thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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