In the future we'll all be gay
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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