My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
