I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
