exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
