no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
