Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
