There was a lot of him and a little penis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
