Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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