You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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