i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
