And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
