he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Come on in and take your pants off
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