he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
