I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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