Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
