I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
