That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
