In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
