I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
one might say we're banned from that church
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
