My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
