I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
