All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
