dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
