I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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