When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize