im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
