Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
