You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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