Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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