I murdered the dance floor call the cops
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
